Written in 2007

“O LORD, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains.” Psalm 116:16

The sickness dropped on me suddenly, like the onset of darkness on a winter evening. Chills, fever, severe diarrhea; I was in bed for five days. It was painful, powerful—and productive.

During those days in bed there was a lot of time for prayer about what was on my heart: revival for myself, for all the workers here, for all the believers. And God started with me: He pulled back the curtain of my soul, revealing, in new understanding, the depth of the sins I thought I’d pretty much conquered. Yes, humanly speaking I was doing quite well in these areas, but God’s standards are much higher. If I want revival, it is going to be on His terms, not mine.

The Holy Spirit brought out, one by one, nine sins (mostly attitudes), which needed to be dealt with more severely—and I was glad to confess and surrender each on a new and deeper level.

The Holy Spirit went on to point out that even in wanting revival in my life, some of my motives were not pure. Along with wanting a fresh filling of the Spirit and desiring to be more useful in God’s hand to give Him glory, there was also the wish to be spiritually powerful so that others would admire me. That had to be confessed and repudiated. If I grieve the Holy Spirit (by sin) or quench Him (by not obeying His promptings), He will not work powerfully through me. He wants a clean channel in which to flow.

Revival comes through revelation of three things: A higher view of the beauty and love of God; a deeper understanding of my sinfulness; a broader, higher grasp of God’s grace towards us. Without these ups and downs, revival will elude us. Ask for it, embrace it, revel in God.

Picture: repentance in the light of God’s glory